The Nigger You With Ain’t Shit

​I can admit that in all honesty, I’ve never sincerely been in love. Although I’ve belligerently choked on tears over a boyfriend, I feel like I have never truthfully experienced true love. From what I’ve witnessed love results in irrational behaviour detrimental to the person’s wellbeing. I’ve done stupid and illogical things to maintain a relationship, but I’ve never acted illogical to the extent, where I’ve stayed in an unhealthy nor mentally or physically destructive relationship. I feel like the enchantment of connecting an individual on a deeper level and blinded infatuation  eradicates the presences of reason and logic. Despite not experiencing true love, I understand if you’re genuinely in love and sincerely believe they’re your soul-mate, you maybe reluctance to terminate an unhealthy relationship. Often the individual knows that the relationship is unhealthy but they physically feel unable to leave. The reluctance to leave a non-loving but still love-filled relationship, coupled with the fact that I have amazingly kind-hearted and beautiful individuals,  has often left me in the incredibly irritating predicament. What is the procedure when your friend is in a situationship with a fuckboy or has a boyfriend who frankly deserves some level of disembowelment?

‘I walked around with a smile, but deep inside, I could hear voices telling me “This aint right. Don’t you know, is not for you” I always knew what I had to do’ – Jennifer Lopez

9b94795c4f85d58ee6e1bb622abd9a2bThe close and intimate friendship I have with my friends, means I strive to always be there for them, regardless of the situation. I’ve been transformed into the perpetual shoulder to cry on; there to provide useful commentary, propose potential resolutions or simply console and provide comfort. However, rather than offering actual valuable relationship advice on how to solve the situation, I’m continuously just having to utter the phrase “that nigger that you’re ain’t shit”. What do you say when  the problem with the relationship is solely that the motherfucker isn’t shit. Your boyfriend can’t justify  secretly arriving into a instathot’s DMs with a non-endorsement related objective and general inappropriate communication with other females. There’s nothing you say that going to allow me to tolerate emotional or physical abusive from a partner. A relationship ought to expire, when the reciprocation of love and respect, ceases to exist. The majority of the problems and the arguments, my friends with fuckboy boyfriends have, are merely due to the fact that the nigger that they with aint shit. Logic dictates that if the person that you’re with, just isn’t shit, you should probably just terminate the relationship but as I described earlier, love is not logical.

If he ain’t gonna love you the way he should, the let it go, If he aint gonna treat you the way he should, then let it go”– Keyshia Cole

Initially my approach was to solely keep reiterating the main cause of the problem, relaying to her that the relationship is doomed and re-enlightening her of the fact it will never change because her boyfriend isn’t and never will be shit. I’m fully immersed in the art of vituperation, my humorous yet spiteful harangues are legendary. In devotion to our friendship, I’m willing to invest several months (and years if needs be), affronting a fuckboy in the hope my friend will adhere to reason and eventually depart the relationship. My complaints and insults embody the spirit of herpes and just refuse to perish. Naturally, your persistence may disrupt and permanently alter the nature of your friendship, as your friend may become irritated and discontented with always having to defend her boyfriend. Furthermore her boyfriend is going to become increasing exasperated and spew hateful verbal abuse towards you, generating tension at gatherings. You may be accused of being a hater and bitter, particularly if you’re single. Frankly  I have no qualms deflecting insults regarding my relationship status, because as Ms Houston unequivocally stated with the most extreme clarity “Pack your bags, up and leave. I’d rather be alone than unhappy”.

‘I can’t even look in your face without wanting to slap you… you better thank God I ain’t go that strap boo’ – Trina

However this is mentally exhausting and at this stage in my life, I’ve resorted to simply refraining from making any further interjections. I despise being perceived as the aggressor  in the relationship. In situation like these the friendship will deteriorate as your friend begins to wrestle between her love for her “bae” and your factual comments. To avoid this situation you have to voice your initial apprehensions, suppress any feelings towards the boyfriend and then just be there for her when the relationship ultimately explodes. Once you believe that the relationship had eternally expired, you begin the consoling which transcends into the grieving process.  Only once she’s fully grieved and accepted the loss of the cancerous relationship, you can recommence the shit talking you’ve desperately been wishing to resurrect. I have one toe permanently submerged in the pool of pettiness. When these types of relationships conclude, it tends to result in a heartbroken and emotionally demolished friend. This is heart wrenching to witness as my empathy runs deep and it physically pains my heart to see my friends cry. However I take great pleasure in extracting revenge; I’m the kind of bitch who will sever tyres, transforms windows into puzzles and practice the art of engraving on his car exterior.  I’m that particular type of ratchet friend who has abundant level of insults and curses – enough to reflect every wasted day, every tear shed and every lost piece of energy.

‘He’s so caught up, he won’t call her.  He shows no love, ‘til she decides “I changed my mind. I don’t love you no more”’ – Keyshia Cole

But if you believe that the friendship isn’t worth the emotional stress and empathy pains, of befriending an individual in a relationship you don’t condone, sometimes it’s easier to just de-friend the individual. There are certain situations where the bullshit from dealing with a friend in a destructive relationship, with a nigger that isn’t shit, begins to outweigh the positivity of the friendship. The more pragmatic and exempting solution in this situation may be to terminate the entire friendship.  Unfortunately this approach has its own predicament – forgive or forget. When the relationship ultimately explodes, do you re-engage with the friend and support her through the heartbreak, despite you trying to prevent her from having experience this intensified heart ache? Or do you continue to maintain your distance, as she failed to adequately value your friendship and the re-ignition of the friendship may situate you in the a similar role. Is it worth having a friend who regards your friendship as collateral damage to a relationship, that involves a beau who isn’t excrement.

‘It aint nothing to cut that bitch off… cut that bitch off” – K Camp

 

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